coming home

I’m going back in 24 hours and I’m feeling confused now. Every time I was going to be back, I always had this feeling.

Based on previous experience, I know for sure my parents will scold me because of thousand reasons: why so slim? why so fat? why isn’t the skin good? why are the eye rings black and getting bigger? why does the eye power decrease? why haven’t i planned anything to be back permanently? how much is my current salary? who do i stay with? how’s everyday like? what do i eat everyday? do bosses and colleagues treat me well? any problem with anybody? any shortage of money to spend?

Seriously I know these questions are just for them to ensure that i’m okay and I must appreciate their concerns. But honestly i’m tired of all these. Every year i have to answer the same set of questions again and again until i feel so frustrating to explain or elaborate. I’m typically not a talker so i always feel uncomfortable when I must answer so many questions evolving: me! I wish my Mom and Dad could just assume that i’m doing so well and that they don’t have to worry anything about me. Please understand:
– if i’m fat, its becos i’m happy and rich;
– if i’m slim, its becos i’m working hard and i love wat i’m doing;
– if my skin is not good, its becos i have other so many other meaningful things to do that i have to cut down the time to take care of myself;
– if my eyebags are turning bigger and darker, its becos i’m working for extra hours since people are putting trust on me;

Also please don’t worry about:
– my salary cos i travel 4 times a year and i still can save up a little to give you and another little for myself on rainy days;
– how much study loan left i need to clear cos I myself don’t keep track about it. Every month, the bank auto deducts from my acct and i have never starved before;
– how much bond left i need to clear cos i’m enjoying my days here and i also don’t want to think about it as a string attaching me here.

Instead of answering questions, I hope to know more about the happenings at home and how everybody’s doing so far? I’m no doubt better at listening.

Ideally i would like to be treated as a part of your days who has always been there rather than someone coming back from somewhere after ages (though its a known fact). I don’t know, I’m just uncomfortable being the centre of attention, even that’s my parents’ loving attention.

However aside from feeling confused and uneasy thinking about "being questioned", I’m pretty excited since i will get to know anh Hiep "to discuss further about the possibilities and opportunities that YESE and IY can work together". This is so encouraging that I keep thinking about it and wondering if I need to prepare anything to turn this opportunity into something workable.

One note to myself: make the most of this break to think more about my personal goals and what i want.

Okay! This might be all for now. I’m super tired already and my eyes are shutting down. Signing off – Jenny!

coming home

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